I have a short history of being pushed aside by celebrities. Brad Gilbert once stole my table. Lupe Fiasco and crew pushed us aside to get out of Old Campus.

In Paris, I was smooshed almost face to face with Chloe Sevigny as I was trying to the French pastry shop Laudurée (methinks). My sister said "I think shes an actress!" pretty noticeably while she was still inside.

Denise and the Sun

Mr. Sun and I don't always have the best relationship. Usually, Mr. Sun likes to hide behind clouds and rain no matter where I go...New Haven, San Juan, New York, St. Thomas, France, freaking Spain (it never rains in Spain!). But Mr. Sun is finally behaving and I'm just missing out on beautiful days outside b/c I'm pure lazy. Lazy incarnate. And now that I've rediscovered Sims 3 I've managed to cure my jetlag and went to bed last night at 4 am (pushed back from 8 pm, and in my defense I was reading stuff on reddit. more on that later).

I talked about how I gained weight on the trip. Well it seems I've gained even more since I got back. There's a number of things that could be contributing to this as well that I won't go into but mainly it's that I'm lazy lazy lazy (I know). My brother has taken it on to start jogging/running and told me that he's been following the Couch-to-5k challenge which is actually pretty neat! He told me to go ton the fitness thread on Reddit to read up on it and see what else they had on starting to do exercise. But seeing as how I've been completely inert for some time, I don't think I want to start by running for 60 seconds every 90 seconds for 20 minutes. That actually feels like a lot to me (especially since I hate running). So I decided I would start with walks. Walks on the beach. Walks on the beach that I never take because I'm a lazy lazyperson that doesn't take advantage of her surroundings.

I don't go down to the beach a lot because Mr. Sun doesn't like me and as soon as I put on sunblock he's like "Fine, you don't want me to burn you? I'm leaving" and it starts to rain. Plus when Mr. Sun is out its like it's raining hot needles. Feel that UV index. It's also just a giant project. Anything in my house needs to be approved and stamped forty times before we can step in the elevator. But I was determined to go on a walk this morning and did. My mother did protest.

I put on that can sunscreen which is much faster and easier and protects me pretty well (That's another thing, being the child of a dermatologist and my mother I was never allowed outside without 2 tons of sunscreen or "sonbloc." I never got burned as a child and aloe was foreign to me. Any sunburns later in life were from my own malapplication or lack thereof). I was going to take my Penn Chem bag with a towel keys and phone (also to stuff my flip flops in) but my mom saw me and screeched "DENISE, WHY ARE YOU TAKING A BAG? LEAVE THE BAG." So I left the bag. Attempt to leave house #2: "DENISE, WHY ARE YOU TAKING YOUR KEYS? YOUR BROTHER LOST HIS KEYS AT THE BEACH ONE TIME. LEAVE THE KEYS." So I left the keys. Can't possibly be detained further can I? No bags no keys? Attempt to leave house #3: "DENISE, LEAVE YOUR FLIP FLOPS. WHY ARE YOU TAKING YOUR FLIP FLOPS? LEAVE HERE YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE THEM IN THE SAND." Finally to this I responded that I was not 2 years old and that I could keep track of my $2.50 Old Navy flip flops. As I was heading down the stairs..."DENISE. USE THE ELEVATOR. USE THE ELEVATOR NOW IT'S FREE." Just keep going down those stairs...

Eventually made it outside. Instantly regretted not bringing a hat or sunglasses. But it's a beautiful day and I'm totally like dude what am I doing playing sims all day? Totally. So I walked a while eastwards where the beach gets sort of nicer. I passed the sea turtle nests but I didn't really notice them because I had to keep my eyes down in order to see anything at all (sun got better later). Oddly enough I didn't feel any sun-needles. I also saw about six different people with metal detectors on the beach. I thought they only did that on Spongebob!

So on my way back I did what Denise does not typically do: talk to random people. I asked one of the girls with a metal detector if it was hers or if she and her father had rented them or something. They were in fact their metal detectors. Turns out the like to walk around with those for fun and they occasionally find change and other loose bits. Sometimes there's a profit the girl said. Then I walked past some tourists (you can tell by the unnatural tan and ridiculously skimpy bathing suit in the middle of a week day. had it been a weekend I might have thought twice. Also they were next to a hotel. I was justified). Anyway, awkward tourists aside I came across a weirder sight...There was this girl in a weird 2-piece get up. The top was like shocking coral and the bottom looked like some outdated bathing suit from those old Angelina Jolie photoshoots from the 80s. They don't match, doesn't matter. Like a cow's opinyun. What was strange was that she had a cat. On a leash. On the beach. A wet cat on a leash on the beach covered in sand. She left the cat on the beach as she went for a quick swim and I tried petting the cat when I walked by. The girl got out of the water and Denise did the strange thing again and talked to a stranger. We talked a bit about pets and how she used to be a dog person but now she loved having her cat. "Cats have personalities. Dogs are like your bitch you know? You give a cat shit and it reacts. A dog, no. A dog takes whatever. Because it's your bitch." It was funny how she talked because we were essentially conversing in Spanish but she kept saying things in English, like "bitch" and "personality" and other random words that I don't usually use. I'm just astonished whenever I meet other locals that use more English words in Spanish than I do (Just to clarify: Freshman year Linna asked me if I spoke real Spanish. Yes I do, and I speak it quite well with proper if foreign-to-yous pronunciations, maybe a bit fast, and grammatically correct. But I went to an English-language school and studied in the states, and I use English words a lot more in Spanish than I used to. I can still speak proper Spanish, but my speech is more like my handwriting nowadays: half cursive half print. Anyway, not all schools teach English very well in PR so I'm constantly surprised when I meet locals that I know didn't go to one of these schools and use more Anglicisms than I do).

Kept walking home and decided to go in the water for a bit. It was actually warm. If you thought waters in PR in May were warm, you have no idea what warm is. Waters in August are niiiiiice. The current was pretty strong and I felt like I was being dragged in a lot so I didn't go past my waist and got out after just a bit.

I don't think I'll ever get tanned if I use that 45spf spray-sunscreen. Also I think that spray damaged my contacts because I'm having a really hard time seeing. It's all blurry!

Quick Note: Photos

Since we've been back everyone (internal, as in siblings) has been asking to see photos. Send me this one and that one. David sent my dad an email from England (he's at another pre-olympic regatta over there) asking for the pictures of him in front of the Arc de Triomphe, photos of him in the water, photos of him at the Eiffel Tower, and every other photo in which David is present. David is really demanding, but I do't think it's the magnitude of the request that has my dad kind of miffed. In order to get the coveted photos, my dad would have to take the time to get out his camera gear, look for the Scan Card (I think?) adapters, and then sort through hundreds of pictures. He uploads them using a file wizard and because it's a pretty nice camera, the files are huge. Which means it takes a while to transfer them all to his laptop. Then more time looking for David's pictures, picking out which ones are worth it (he doesn't need the 10 different shots I took of him ironically "supporting" the Arc de Triomphe like it was the Tower of Pisa...just the one). AND THEN comes the even more annoying part of sending them. If David were here, it would be as simple as finding him and my dad at the same time in the same room to transfer the files on to a jump drive. But David is in the UK so my dad would have to send them via email or Facebook or some other file sharing site and that takes sweet sweet time and computer/internet power.

Madeline amongst birds.

We didn't take that many pictures with my dad's fancy camera anyway. We hardly took pictures at all. That camera is heavy and annoying to carry (plus it's just asking to be stolen) and I always feel like I'm going to break it. Now, we've all been taking photos and videos with our iPhones. The quality is passable, not that great in darker surroundings. You know, it's a phone camera. Definitely better than some of the first digital cameras that I had but still on a phone. No lens, limited zooming/speed/aperture abilities. It's a handy tool to have. But really it's all I need.

Hands down one of the cutest pictures ever. Taken at Spring Fling.

Half the pictures I took are somewhat blurry...but you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at it on my phone. Maybe even on facebook. And that's just the thing. We can take giant 10MB pictures but unless you're a professional photographer no one is going to see that resolution. So really, iPhone and other cell phone cameras are replacing other digital cameras for a reason. They're integrated, convenient, and on devices designed for sharing. You could have your super awesome +$1000 camera but unless you're into it (not saying people aren't...because they are. and they're nice toys, not gonna lie) and are willing to put time into editing and resizing and organizing and printing and moving around no one is going to see those photos. So that camera is essentially useless. I don't have that time. My dad certainly doesn't have that kind of time. The photos that my dad takes on his camera only he sees when they show up as his screen saver. I have yet to see the pictures from my prom or any of my brothers' proms and graduations (I know you guys find this weird).

Display at the AMNH in NYC. Look at them crazy creatures!

So crappy camera or not, the camera I have used the most has been the one on my iPhone. Other people actually see those pictures. It's so much easier to post them online or email them. They're smaller and easy to resize. Also, I'm not denying that my laziness and otioseness features in my bias.

Beach. Ahhhh. Taken at Rio Mar.

Paris, take 2

I am such an overemotional wimp.

Today was cold cold cold then hot hot hot.

La Ville-Lumière

Finally, Paris. We got here late, went to dinner late, and I had my first onion soup in the entire trip. David is the only one of us that hasn't been to Paris before so we walked around with him a little bit. We're close to the Rue de Rivoli which runs along the Louvre and other sights. There's a big fair mounted up in the Tuleries gardens. We couldn't see much but we kept walking until we got to the site of the Louis Philipe obelisk. All the famous buildings in Paris are lit up. On one, only the French flag is illuminated (David called it awe inspiring). After probably the most stressful afternoon of the trip (hard to believe, even after such a nice morning) I got here wanting to leave and never come back. Go hide in a hovel. Standing there by the obelisk and the fountains looking at the Arc de Triomphe, some random Romanesque buildings...I couldn't stay mad at Paris for too long. And the temperature is just right. I felt like I was at Epcot when I was little waiting for the fireworks. We walked around there in complete darkness just looking at the pretty lights on a crisp cool evening.

Of course, on our way back I stepped on a wad of gum that is still on my shoe.

Stupid gum glob or not, I'm sad. I tell myself I'm mourning what this trip could have been. A nice opportunity to see a different country with family. But since everything with my family is so complicated and strained and difficult, I really can't enjoy myself. It has a lot to do with how wound up I am about anything in life and how relaxed is not my normal state. So to me, all of this traveling feels like one giant waste of money. Why pay to travel to an expensive foreign country with a better coin and strange food where I'll be three times as stressed as I am during October at Yale? Trips make me feel trapped and childish with a complete lack of independence. I don't even have any money on me. Did you hear that petty thieves? Now is the time to steal my bag because I left my kindle in the room and my bag is *empty*. Seriously. I don't have even a Euro centime. I have an American Express card (cue laugh track).

So now we're in Paris seeing it at night quietly and calmly. I finally feel like I'm in that magic pretty city we've all heard about. Not the dusty oven that I saw before. And I'm sad because we're only here three days. I'm sad because it looks like I won't be traveling for a really long time (especially since traveling with my family is rapidly running out of the picture). And even though I felt warm and happy hugging my mom while David looked around and felt all inspired, I'm sad because I'm not here with someone else. When I was little, I thought it was written in stone that I would study abroad in Paris once I got to college. I would eat cheese, perfect my French, dress à la mode française. Of course, my predictions have been wrong before (I didn't have a big poofy quinceañera dress with a party and the requisite boyfriend that all quinceañaras have to have as viewed by my preteen eyes). But this one felt like it was going to happen and was within my reach. And now I've lost that feeling.

Tomorrow I will feel really happy at some points and incredibly miserable at others. I'll most likely think back on this moment and realize that I'm exaggerating. But...maybe I've jumped too soon into grad school.

Poitiers

UPDATE: I wrote this on my phone and it has auto-correct errors and all sorts of funky stuff. Don't care enough to fix it, :P

We stopped overnight here in Poitiers after getting really lost trying to find this hotel. This city or town is about as far north as La Rochelle but further inland as we're making our way to Paris. The weather is lovely now-cool in the shade and getting rather warm in the sun! I greeted this weather by trying to wear Bermuda shorts only to realize that France and Spain and croissants have taken their toll on me. This is so different from my other vacations. Usually it's not that I eat less but I don't snack as much and walk around a lot more. I blame France. And croissants.

So last night we ate really late around ten pm. I'm still not used to eating dinner during the day time. Even after Yale. Mads knows very well that I feel really strange ordering a pitcher cocktail drink at eight pm when the sun is still out making fun of all of us mere mortals. Regardless we walked around a bit and my mom declared "no me like it. No me like it Poitiers" which got me a bit upset (I'm not a fan of judging). This morning I just wanted to get out of here. Even skip out on Notre Dame la Grande which is the main sight here. My mom and I set out to walk and got the biggest surprise of our trip. The weather is beautiful...and so is Poitiers. We saw a lot of construction (my mother insisted that it meant the town sucked while I said it meant the town was alive. I won) but beyond a few streets of rubble we got to a series of nice cobblestone pedestrian streets with...affordable stores! We bought berets. Yes. Berets. One for me and one for Nati. I never thought I would but I now own one and it shall keep my head warm in harsh new England winters.

We got to the main plaza around the church we wanted to see. The church has to be my favorite. We've seen some crazy ones but this one is so old and elegant. It's designs are mostly Moorish in influence. Aside from the windows which are more traditional stained glass the church looks a bit like a mosque with brightly colored geometric designs on plaster. Every column was different. We got there at noon for midday mass by mistake but stayed for a while. That's the first time I've been to mass since I don't know when. It was strangely nostalgic. Church always sounded like a foreign language to me anyway. I took a video which I guess I'll post eventually. It was so surreal with those columns and debris. The dimly lit church. I think we're actually going to stick around a bit more.

We bought white nectarines.

Internet Woes

updating by Kindle by email. No internet in Spain. Its still
raining. We're all sick and discovered that pills here are not coated.
Yuck. Also finished A Dance with Dragons. wowow.